Some Things Don't Change

While my virginity status has changed, the fact that I have no place to go...still hasn't.

It's bittersweet, really.

ToFu decided suddenly to come home for Spring Break (he's been in Italy for the past two months), and I was nervous as hell about seeing him. I figured he was either going to look tremendously more postive or negative than I had remembered...

When I finally saw him I wanted to fuck the shit out of him right there in Baggage Claim (but I didn't figure that would go over to well with his parents). Either way, he provoked within me a sense of strange familiarity (if that makes any sense, to anyone), and it was easily the most horny he had ever made me (without trying - which is essential with me - but that's for another time).

It's amazing we didn't have sex sooner in the week, honestly (because I was the one that was all over him for awhile), and it almost happened a few times before it actually happened. The first couple of days he was here things progressed like we were going to have sex...but I stopped them and begged him not to fuck me, and then leave me (he'd just be returning to Italy for yet another two months at the end of the week). And he understood my concern.

But somehow on Saturday night I wasn't as bothered. And we had sex. While we were watching Aladdin. Hmm....

Frankly, it was pretty damn good. Maybe that's why this time, I couldn't stop him. Why I demanded that he not stop.

I cried afterwards. Not because I felt guilt for having had sex or for losing my virginity. Not because I felt soooo in love. But because now, he was just going to leave me again. I was getting fucked, then left. We waited five damn years to finally have sex, and all the while we were together almost every day...but now, when he's been 6,000 miles away from me for the past two months...and when he's just going to be 6,000 miles away from me the for the next two months...now, is when we decide to have sex for the first time.

But in a weird way that works for us. It was kind of like saying, "Goodbye for now..." while at the same time saying, "Look at what's to come..."

In the meantime, my sexual curiousity has reached an all time peak. We only did it once, and I'm fascinated that I enjoyed it so much. Now, more than ever, I want to experiment with sex, and there is no one around to fuck! Whatever is a girl to do?

Which is why the title All Sexed Up and No Place to Go still applies, for now. Because for the next two months, that shall be more true than ever.